you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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