I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Your penis caused this!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
