Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
