finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
