I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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