There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
