New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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