I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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