Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize