First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize