I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
