The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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