I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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