I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
wanna go halves on a baby?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
