I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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