I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
