He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
