I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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