Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
