She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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