were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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