I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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