So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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