3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
