Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
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