help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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