at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
