why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
