If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the condom got lost in my hair
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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