shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
