You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we're making bets on your personal life
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
