I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You were trust falling into bushes
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
