The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
