What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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