you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
