the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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