my sisters under your porch take her home
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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