we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I am mentally ready for anal.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
