No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
