Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
