Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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