Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
