The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
