You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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