Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
