Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize