walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
