I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
