I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
