Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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