You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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