It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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