what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
