I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
