got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
