So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
