Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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