I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
