if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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