I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
