Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Randomize