I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
