His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
