I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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