Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
