I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
