Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
