if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
