I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
