Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize