what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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