am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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