the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
