In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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