Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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