Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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